Fable writen by the Grimy Miner

Mr Clown had known, ever since he was a child, that he was destined for great things.

He had been encouraged by his doting mother to believe that he was infallible.
"Gormless", she would say, "there is no one else quite like you, you are unique"

And he was!

At school he sustained a particularly incongruous accident, he was watching a rugby match and, as the ball was kicked into touch for a distance advantage, he momentarily looked at the sun and was blinded in his left eye.
This embarrassed him sorely; this was not the heroic misadventurous accident he had planned to have. He would have preferred to have stopped a runaway milkmans horse from crushing a flaxen haired child beneath its wheels, but, with a pragmatism of one born to great things, he made the best of it.
He told anyone and everyone that the injury had been sustained in a particularly competetive inter house match, in which he, Gormless, was the main protagonist and who scored the only try to win the match and the day. Thus was legend born.

Fast forward, if you will, to a day not so distant from the present.
Gormless had, yet again, had his ambition to be great cruelly removed from his grasp, and by his erstwhile friend, Tory.

Tory Bliar had known Gormless for a long time; their careers had taken a roughly parallel course, although Gormless had pursued a more intellectual path eschewing fame and popularity whilst Tory had courted influential friends.

Then came the big day.
The "Main Chance"
The "Big Job" - and Gormless was sure that he was up to the "Big Job"

However, to the people who mattered, and had much influence in the selection of the person for the "Big Job", Gormless was definitely NOT up to it.

His spirits dashed, Gormless brooded and plotted, often late into the night, planning revenge on those who had spurned him, particularly his one time friend Tory Bliar, who the people who mattered had selected for the "Big Job".

Eventually his one time friend, Tory, had decided that he had finally had enough of the "Big Job", he was bored with it and had earned enough money to travel to far off lands to give the inhabitants of those lands the benefit of his vast wisdom.

This was Gormless's moment!

He managed to convince the people who mattered that it was his turn to take the "Big Job"

At last he had the job he had dreamed and schemed for all his life.
But disaster was to strike! He discovered that contrary to his self belief he was NOT destined for great things. On the contrary, he found that he had an almost uncanny predeliction for fucking up even the most innocuous of situations, turning miniscule pimples of problems into giant fucking mountains.

He was not loved.
People said of him "Clown has never, not once, surprised me on the upside. You look at what he’s doing, you cynically postulate the most fuckwitted scenario you dare imagine, and he still surprises you with his rank idiocy. He goes that extra mile of utter fucking imbecility that just leaves you slack-jawed and gaping at the sheer, monumental fuckwittery you have witnessed."
Help, however, was at hand. A new friend, Nick Clog, promised to help him achieve fame. All he had to do was to be himself for another two weeks and the people who mattered would see just what sort of a man Gormless Clown really was.

To be continued.......................................................................